I ran down to the dock as fast as my legs could move, my feet pounding away on the old dirt trail. The trail from the camp to the lake wasn't very long, but it seemed to be taking forever. I was hurrying toward the sound of my dad's seriously-stressed-out voice.
"Scott!" he hollered. "Get your butt down here!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" I called back, wondering why he had yelled at me to bring a rope.
"Scott! Get down here on the double!" my father bellowed. "And bring a rope!"
"Dad?" I hollered back. "Where are you?"
I was sitting at the folding table eating breakfast (cold cereal and warm milk) on our first morning at our Lake Placid cabin. From some place outside my dad was yelling, and he didn't sound happy.
"Scott! Move it! You're not going to believe this!"
I gulped down my milk, pushed away from the table, and bolted out of the cabin, slamming the broken screen door behind me, and almost knocking my brother Jimmy over in the process.
(Very Showy. Cool)
When you revise your piece of writing, check your first few paragraphs. Do they grab the reader's attention? Make him want to read further? Start by showing us some action.